4403, that’s what the clerk wrote on that yellow sticky note. The room number we were to go to for the rest of the week. Just a normal room number to her. How could she have known? 4403, is apparently, a BIG trigger for me. I hate PTSD. But what I hate more, is the reasons why I have PTSD. This was the room that we lived in when our family was thrown into hell, then clawed our way out. The room that holds so many of my darkest memories. The memories my mind has tried so hard to push into a small box and lock away. When we arrived at the room, I couldn’t make myself step inside. I could literally feel myself screaming inside, I could see myself 4 months ago holding back my tears and fears, fighting for life, her life. “Is there anyway we can have a different room.” The nurse is one I’ve never met. He doesn’t know what happened in that room, he doesn’t know the pain the room holds. “I’m sorry, but we are full today.” I took a step in, I stood in the middle of the room. Just stood there holding my bags, paralyzed. I knew I had to snap out of it, Hazel was starting to look at me funny. I thought I said to myself “Today is NOT the past. Today and this week is going to be different. I will NOT loose my child. We will make new, good, memories in this room. You CAN do this.” Hazel smiles takes my hand “Good memories Mom, yep, this is our old home and we can make it happy... Right?!” Apparently, i said my personal pep talk aloud. “Yes baby, we will make new good memories.” ❤️
This dose of chemo, Hazel took a bit harder than last time. She didn’t have as much energy, she was tired, she was sick more often, and had 2 high fevers. We still are not sure what caused her fevers, but I’m so thankful they only lasted 24hrs. We still need to check her temp every hour to make sure her fever doesn’t sneak it’s way back, but we are home. I’m constantly reminded, things can always be worse. Our lives are far from easy, I wouldn’t wish our current situation on anyone. But I still find myself feeling so grateful. My heart is full. I have a loving husband, and 2 beautiful girls who rock my world.
We will Fight. Together. Always.
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Marry the guy who...
Will play with your hair
Won't mind holding your cold hands
Will go on walks with you
Is serious but also knows how to have fun
Makes you laugh
Will join in your random burst of song
Watches chickflicks just to spend time with you
Let's his inner- child out sometimes
Isn't afraid to be himself
Will stand up for what he believes in
Will stand up for you and protect you
Makes you feel like a princess
You can be completely yourself around
You can talk to about anything
Will pray with you and for you
Loves you but loves God more.
But the most importantly..........
Marry the guy who is your best friend
I want your views, what do u think??
Would you want to fly a TIE Fighter if you lived in the Star Wars Universe? If not what spaceship would you want to fly?
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Art by @STEFlackArt 🖌️