“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” -Ronald Reagan “I don’t know any perfect people. So, we are all allowed to be human and say and do unhelpful things, at times.
However, Relationships researcher, John Gottman, from the Gottman Institute in Seattle, says that we need to be gentle when dealing with our frustrations with loved ones and colleagues. He says that while there are no perfect relationships, ongoing criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt are particularly destructive.
Contrasted to this, people in healthy relationships, even during times of frustration and conflict, tend to be five times more helpful than negative in their interactions.
What are these helpful interactions during a conflict?
Here are 7 positive messages we communicate through our words and actions, even when we are frustrated with others:
1) let’s work this out
2) can you help me to understand?
3) I’m sorry
4) i know you were not meaning to be hurtful
5) this is what I would prefer
6) I am willing to do my part
7) I’m committed to this relationship
It is important for all of us to reduce the hurtful interactions and increase the helpful ones in relationships when there are difficulties.
Being kind and self-controlled when you believe others are not, is not easy.”
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