I've had a hard day. I have cried a lot. Probably about four hours already today. Most likely I'm not done. I think the biggest thing is is that I can't drive until next Friday, so when my girlfriend isn't home, I have no choice but to be. I want a burger but the closest thing I've had to real food is tomato soup. I miss my friends so much and it's hard that I haven't seen any of them since before my surgery. I just want to feel better.
Post-Op: Day 6
Woke up with another pounding headache. Overall, I'm hoping that these headaches are from the days of contiously fed morphine and not something else. I counted 7 - 7 different medications went into my body over the course of nearly 4 days, several times a day. How is that healthy? Not to mention, I wasn't really tapered off. So am I having opioid withdrawals? I refused to fill my Dilaudid because I fear how it will make me feel since I have such a sensitivity to narcotics. I soaked in the tub for about 25 or so minutes. Let the hot water rest against my hands and feet to dilate some of the vessels that needed to be released. I feel a bit better, just not enough, but, have to say, I'm feelin' like Shaft while walking around my house in sunglasses bc fuck the sun right now. All in all, this still sucks but I'll live. xo
So I just finally got to meet my hero who inspires me every day and doesn’t even know how much she has helped me to keep going when I’ve been having some tough times. @katya_zamo is one in a million and she’ll always mean everything to me. Thank you for also being an anxious piece of trash 💗
I am so miserable. Starting to think if this was worth doing for a second time. I'm strong. I can deal with a lot but what if this is just too much? Everything is so heavy and sore. I normally don't bitch and whine about my pain like this because I can survive it and I'm not weak. I feel so weak right now. So undefeated and weak. 😢
I am such an overthinking perfectionist. And it made me very ill. This year I told myself not to make any plans... at all! No life plans, no savings plans- nothing. I wasn’t allowed to think about the ‘next goal’ at all. And some of the most amazing things have happened this year, none I would have planned but doesn’t make them any less amazing. Some how letting go has bought more abundance into my then I could have imagined. So here’s to continued imperfect action 🖤
To shave or not to shave 🍋i feel like shaving my head but I've come so far already in my hair growth! I'm just never sure of what hairstyle I want to go for 😂 And YES I'll be partially smooth-shaving my head soon but I'm not sure of the shape just yet. Tag me on cool haircuts pictures please? :) ✂️
Post-Op: Day 4
It hurts. It's swollen. It's not pretty. I woke up with a migraine after almost 4 days of being on straight narcotic drugs. This is Hell in a handbasket but unfortunately necessary for my health and to stay healthy. I've barely been able to sleep. I had to blacken my windows because of the sun. I've cried twice. Even broken out the barf bucket just in case I needed it. Believe me, I've come close. I constantly try to act like I have the pain tolerance to deal with this and that I don't need help. Truth is, it's a 50/50. I can and will do this on my own when no one is here to help, but I will not deny help either.
On the plus side, I brushed my teeth today for the first time in 4 days. Gross but my mouth feels slightly refreshed. That's a start.
Right now, I have my Beanie baby laying next to me, nuzzling and giving me face cheek love bites. I just wish for this pain to end sooner rather than later.