Good Enough Pt. 2 ——————
What if I run/walk the 11k? The seed had been planted on a smoky August morning spent climbing all over Sac and Hard Scrabble getting lost in the delight and challenge of what I’ve since learned is an actual thing: power hiking. My Sunday long runs currently replaced with run/hikes that were mostly the latter. On the steepest uphills I hiked with a feverish passion, racing myself, proving to myself I was still capable, but just what I wanted to be capable of I’m not sure I knew. What if I just walk/ran the 11k? I’m signed up. I’m been hiking a lot of vert. It could be fun? I’ve already paid. And I have not touched a race since the first week of January. It might just be nice to be out there again. Performance doesn’t mean anything nor is it the point.
A few days before race day I’d mentally committed to showing up Sunday morning but I was afraid to say it out loud. I lay on the black leather massage table as Jess worked out the remains of a hip impingement from late July. I casually mentioned I was considering run/walking the 11k. She was signed up too. Without missing a beat, she said, "You should. You’re definitely in good enough shape. And it will just be so fun." I felt anything but in shape. I was afraid to toe the line on Sunday because I did not feel like an athlete. I had never walked in a race yet. I felt like an impostor. I was undertrained and my shape had literally changed in the course of this rebuilding and re-breaking year. I actually felt embarrassed in my own skin. I did not look like the lithe runner of years past. Deep inside this gnawing voice I’d been trying to let go persisted. He said, 'You are not good enough.’ A very small part of me still wondered if these injuries and the shifting weight of my body were my fault, an outward sign of an inner deficiency. Was the path to healing I’d chosen the wrong one, the lesser one? Another voice that had been gaining strength in the last few months asked: Is Jess right? And even if she isn’t don’t you just want to try?
635m tırmanmalı pek keyifli bir koşu oldu. Gökdere'deki iri ve kızgın köpekler peşimi bırakmayınca onların dilinden konuşmam gerekti neyse ki yeni lisanlara yatkınım hev hüv derken içi dolu dolu hAvlamayı söktüm o adrenalinle.. köpekçede "koşuyoz burda, hayvan gibi şiyapıyonuz, de get out of this place" manasına gelen bir şeyler söyledim, anlamadılar ama havlamanın yanında biraz da saldırır gibi hamle yapınca o koca köpekler gerileyip kaçtı, şaşırdım.
tepedeki manzara zaten beni benden aldı. tabii depoya tekrar benzin lazımdı ben de dönüşte soluğu ismini belirtmekten imtina ettiğim aşırı meşhur bir kebapçıda aldım.
kebapçı: bir mi olsun, bir buçuk mu?
ben: 2(iki) olsun
Hi-vis out in force 🤣💪 so happy with the turnout for this evening's run! We even had a runner from Limerick pop by - thanks Darragh! 🤸🌝
We'll meet again next week at the later time of 7 o clock, all abilities welcome! 🌠🎖️And with this fine weather you've no reason not to 😉
Thanks again to all who came, and to @askeatonpool for hosting us! 😎💯🎽