What have I learned in 25 years of recovery? That being numb doesn't help, it only hurts. That even years of darkness pass. That the destruction of addiction in a family can end. That heritage connects me to this earth. That love can change anything. That something as simple as a pencil or a bicycle saves lives. That the child that hurt so much can be happy and free. That there is always hope. #recovery#25yearscleanandsober#fuckdepression#onedayatatime#dontgiveup#mentalhealthawareness
So I’m FINALLY pursuing a mental health blog. It’s been something that’s been on my mind (no pun intended 😉) for a really long time. Every time is go to sit down and write, I’d have an anxiety attack, my throat would close up, and I’d start scratching my arms. •
There’s something really scary with talking about mental health- you’re letting a certain part of your guard down. You're letting a new set of eyes into your mind and your life, and its something that can be terrifying. Why? There’s a stigma. "She's crazy" "There's something seriously wrong with her" "She needs help"- none of these things are said out of love. None of them embody empathy or care or kindness. They embody gossip, disdain, almost filth. That's why its so scary to come out. I get it. I know because all of those things above were said about me. •
I've hated myself for so long, for being like this. What did I get out of doing that though- nothing. It's not worth it. You must learn to love yourself. To care for yourself. To be good to you.💁🏻♀️❤️🥰*deep breath*
Here we go.
This may be my longest post ...I hope you will take a moment to read it. Today was National Suicide Survivor Day. The name is meant to refer to those of us left behind that have survived the loss of a loved one. We need days like this that people with shared experiences can come together & support each other. And we truly need all of the awareness we can get to help stop the stigma. 💙
Yet, today if you are in this 'club', you know that every day is actually Survivor Day. It's been two years & ten days since my world split wide open. Its been over 2 years yet my heart still feels like it was yesterday since my beautiful Alex died. Ever since that day, I have spent my days, my every breath, trying to navigate a new life that can't be put back to what it was. Ever. Yes, you can say I am surviving...every day...so far. 💙
Some days still take me 'out' & I am learning to just honor that, yet slowly, little by little I am getting stronger too. I am surviving FOR Alex, ...for Lauren & Parker & Harper & G.R. & my whole family & friends. I am choosing to live fully & am concentrating on what truly matters... I am working at more than surviving, I am working toward thriving! I believe that it will never FEEL any better but I will keep getting stronger because Alex was one of the most caring, funny & passionate people that I have ever known. Along with everyone that loved him, I will keep his light shining! I am so very humbled, beyond explanation, to be his mother. That doesn't change just because he isn't physically here anymore, but I will continue to fight, to choose joy, ...for him, for our entire family! 💙
We will always talk of him, we will talk to him when we need to, & we will forever love him completely. We will survive ... BECAUSE of him. Mommy loves you so very much Alexander.💙
I woke up this morning in so much agony. My mind had decided this was going to be a bad day and I felt like such a failure.
My morning routine is vitally important to me so I'm sure you can imagine how distraught I was. I was crying in the shower like a scene in a melodramatic action film. I decided to use the techniques I've been learning the past month in order to reclaim my day. I used today as a learning opportunity and not a day where I clench my jaw in fear that I'm going to scream. These are only three of the many tactics I use.
You are not your bad thoughts. Do not allow 15min of vulnerability to decide what kind of day you'll be having. After writing down my bad thoughts I realized how silly they really were and by midafternoon I was smiling goofy Ashley at work. I forgot that I was "supposed to be sad". You decide what kind of day you'll be having; not your or anybody else's negativity.
Being mentally ill affects every aspect of my life. However, in my opinion the worst part is that the diseases I have are constantly stigmatized and judged societally.
I didn't choose this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
This isn't a sometimes situation, it's constant and it is EXHAUSTING. I just found out that @in.ecstatic.motion and @sultryabyss do black and white on Saturdays for mental health awareness and as a show of solidarity. So I'm going to start joining in on that ❤️
I strongly recommend requesting a 15 minute (free) phone consultation when you’re looking for a therapist. The goodness of fit between therapist and client is a critical factor in the movement of your progress and personal growth. Dont be afraid to ask questions , don’t be afraid to shop around . It’s important to note that the consultation is not a therapy session. The purpose of the consultation (at least mine) are to:▪️
🔶Share some of the reasons you were looking to come into therapy (how have you been feeling ? What’s been going on lately , or in the last several years? What prompted you to make the phone call today?)▪️
🔶 Ask the therapist questions to see if your work together would be a good fit . ▪️
🔶You can ask if they have experience with what it is you’re going through, how long they have been practicing , what their approach is , how they envision helping you, how long their sessions are, etc.▪️
🔶 If you’re looking for something specific (couples therapy, CBT/ DBT/EMDR, sex therapist, etc) you can ask about their specific experience in those modalities.▪️
🔶 In terms of logistics, about availability (weekends , evenings if that’s what’s best for you) and inquire about how they handle payment. (Do they accept your insurance , if not - how much is their hourly rate?)▪️
🔶 Don’t feel like you have to commit at the end of the phone call. You have the freedom to call back to make an appointment, or not. You can also ask if the therapist has any referrals or recommendations for other therapists if you feel at the end of the call your work together would not be a good fit . ▪️🔶 ✨ -
✨ With so much unavoidable negativity floating around in this beautiful world - why not add some positivity back into it?! Be the ray of light you’ve always wanted around you & watch the unexpected begin to happen❣️ our reality is greatly shaped by our mindset, whether that be positive, negative, or a combo of both. BE what you want more of & grow those qualities in others! This is how we change our world so let’s start initiating some encouragement! 🙏🏼❤️☀️ we give LIFE to what we give ENERGY to 🙌🏻
We’re delivering our first batch of orders over this weekend! 📦 Of course, we didn’t forget about the backers who supported us. You are the ones who made Mini Mix possible. We hope that you’ll enjoy the treats! ☺️