Quando ouvi uma ex minha rindo de um cara q se dizia genderfluid na internet eu parei e pensei: "genero fluido? Uau ... Isso tem tudo a ver comigo...." Mas nao disse nada. O cara era estranho.
Depois contei pra ela e ela entendeu.
Meu cabelo ainda era grande? Nao lembro. Mas lembro da pergunta: "voce é menino ou menina?"
E eu tinha 8 anos ou menos. Estava vestida com roupas femininas e tinha cabelo grande com franjinha. Aquilo ficou pra sempre na minha mente. Assim como quando me tratavam no genero masculino como forma de me ofender, e puta que pariu, aquilo machucava demais.. e eu nao sabia porque.
Quando eu cortei o cabelo com corte dito masculino, eu me olhava no espelho e tinha flashes de quando era criança. Do tempo que minha mãe me flagrava sem camisa na varanda e me perguntava o que eu tava fazendo e eu respondia: to brincando de menino.
Menina e menino, dois extremos completamente construídos, o rosa e o azul, sem levar em conta todo universo de cores entre um e outro.
Ainda é dificil pra mim me desprender do pronome feminino, mas eu não preciso me justificar, eu não preciso de aval para não ser o que nao sou.
Isso está na minha cara. Estampado no meu corpo gordo.
Na minha historia.
E assumir tudo isso é me assumir exatamente como eu sou e sempre fui, e como eu posso vir a ser, assim que eu quiser.
Genero: não binário fluido.
Ainda milito pela causa das mulheres. E pelas mulheres no Rap. Mas cada vez mais a causa trans vai ganhar espaço na minha luta.
Essa é minha causa também. .
Fotos: @_andressacatelan / @_amandamarta
“Elements of trans • ition/figuration*”
A flat chest.
A single scar.
Two reattached parts.
A determined heart.
An elusive, procedural elixir
transmogrifying the physical form
from inside out.
And yet the hard part isn’t even visible.
Already coursing through these veins,
education, visibility, education —
strenuously straining out the societal toxicity
that ostracized this.
Viscerally there, yet you somehow deny
the existence of your very own blood?
Why does the mark of struggle and change frighten you?
Why does this badge of honor from the binary war
not fill you with mortality and pride?
Don’t you know we are of the same incredible, unlimited, undefined species?
Where does the urge to deny happiness for others come from?
Is its viscosity so thick you can’t see past its gender roles?
Am I not the embodiment of the human spirit
and the magic that is this self-healing anatomy and soul?
Two eyes straight head.
All elements in the end.
* transfiguration: “a complete change of form or appearance into a more beautiful or spiritual state”
POST SURGERY PICS!
This week and today alone has been a roller coaster of emotions. I still feel like a gross piece of chewed up fruit leather, and I feel dirty and vulnerable and scared and I guess healing sometimes feels like all those things at once. Shoutout to @100violins for pulling up/down my pants and opening every water bottle for me ever and for taking post surg pics.
When I first saw my chest, I wasn’t hit with elation or anything. Just worried about the swelling. On the car ride back, I felt VERY depressed. For the first time, I really felt like I was not IN MY BODY bc of the changes. I have never really felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, and I think that’s important to recognize. I felt hit with a sense of mourning of what my body used to be and that it wouldn’t ever be the same again. But once we got home, I also finally started feeling excited. Getting the left drain out felt SOOO good. And I love my little sunflower nipples! 🌻
If you’re feeling adventurous, swipe right for some progress pictures! WARNING: the right side is still pretty bruised up, but I felt it was important to post these since i don’t want ppl to think that everyone gets perfect results all the time. Will keep you posted!! Please send all the no-swell vibes🌀
[image desc: the first image is a picture of some cute fuzzy bunny slippers. The following images are the results of a Periareolar top surgery operation. The right hand side is bruised and swollen but left hand side looks almost healed and great!]
🙋🏻♂️ Ended my week by giving a CLE (Continuing Legal Education) on TLDEF’s TGNCNB Name Change Project! It was the perfect way to end the Trans Awareness Week workweek. // After a rough start to the week, things are feeling more grounded and stable. Looking forward to my weekend which includes my first ballet (!!!) class 👯♂️ in 5+ years and @babetownnyc thanksgiving! 🍂// Stay strong and soft lovebugs. I love you! xx AC // #menswearselfcare // #expressyourrules#4expresspoints
It's been a minute due to my mind being foggy and life being a mess but I'm breaking out a bit more. The good news is I started to break out more this past week once I stopped washing and moisturizing my face. So I'm happy to say that my acne is in my control so far. -
CW for needles and shark week:
As for shots, this last shot I had I was able to look at the needle in my body so I can become more comfortable with it before doing the shot myself. I'm also scheduled to start my cycle this next week and have no idea if I'll get it or not so I'll keep y'all posted if I can.
Lastly, I hope everyone has a good #transgenderawarenessweek as we remember that no matter what, the Trans Community will not be erased. -
ID: Kam smiling with a cat sitting on their lap
I want to paint this wall green..
Just the small piece of visible drywall.
A bold, very intentional evergreen color.
And the wood beam that seperates the basement wall from the drywall (what the frame is sitting on) I plan to paint the same dark brown that edges my stairs to the second floor... But one day it might be nice to scrape it down, sand it and refinish..? 🤔🤔
(It's a rabbithole in my head folks.. 😅😂)
I think I might carry the same Evergreen down and into my studio. (Through the door and past the utility shit..
Whoever designed this sloppy attempt at renovating down here before us confuses me to no end. 😂 .
We're saving the basement to renovate at a later date (I want a second bathroom, please and thank you!) But for now it's very much a "dress up whatcha got" situation.
I can work it.
*Finger snap or two*