Perfectionism can be a burden for a lot of us. It can push us to our limits, draining every ounce of energy with no satisfaction in sight.
Setting high expectations can be a good thing, but where's the line between healthy and unhealthy standards?
If you're a chronic perfectionist, check out Dealing With Perfectionism, our one-night workshop where you'll discover the psychology behind our constant quest for perfection and some ways to help take the pressure off.
Tues. Dec. 4th. 7-9pm. Spots filling fast. Link in bio!
The best thing you can do if you have ever struggled with perfectionism is first and foremost to breathe. I know it seems unhelpful but it isn’t. Breathe. Really deeply inhale and exhale. Then look at why is it you feel the need to either look a certain way or do things in a “perfect” way. Everyone’s version of “perfect” is different. •
Then remind yourself you give yourself permission to be yourself- and not only be yourself but be yourself unapologetically. Accept yourself. All of you. In each step of the way. No one can do this for you. Once you do- then that’s when you allow others to as well. It starts with you. ✨
(👇🏻scroll down for English👇🏻)
Сегодня я просто поделюсь эмоциями. Не будет длинных размышлений или советов.
Просто хочу сказать о том, что, бывает, возникает желание бросить всё: накапливается усталость, 😞 кажется, что я "дауншифтер" ⤵️ (хотя это, вообще говоря, вещь положительная и здоровая☝🏻). Иногда долбишь-долбишь с кем-нибудь простую грамматику, 🧐 а человек её ну никак не понимает, 🤦🏼♀️ и начинаешь винить себя "Что я не так объясняю, как ещё провести ассоциацию, чтобы стало понятнее...". 🙇🏼♀️
Но потом одна из твоих учениц возвращается из поездки в Европу 🏰 и шлёт преисполненные визгом и удовольствием голосовые сообщения. Сообщения с благодарностями, о том, что "она действительно смогла разговаривать на этом прекрасном английском, 😍 взаимодействовать с восхитительными людьми на полном серьёзе, 🗣 тусоваться в иностранной компании...". 💃🏼 И тут я понимаю, что что-то делаю правильно. 😌
Конечно, хочется по-перфекционистски так добиться расположения всех и каждого, настроиться на одну волну со всяким и каждым, прочувствовать все индивидуальные настроения и желания. Но я понимаю умом, что это невозможно, ведь люди разные и с разным подходом и с разной заряженностью и с разной мотивацией. Но тот процент людей, которые со мной на одной волне удовольствия и познания, вот они-то и делают моё занятие любимым.
I had to grow up at a young age. I had jobs cleaning toilets and babysitting at age 12, and was more or less on my own at 14. I figured out how to survive. I figured out how to keep my head above water, and how to revive myself when dropped beneath the surface for too long. I didn't go to high school, let alone collage, but I got my doctorate in street smarts, free creative expression, and navigating relationships with other humans. These skills, along with luck and my fair share of perfectionism, carried me well into adulthood. But what was missing were some basic adulting skills. Things like finances, the ability to address health issues, and envisioning a future rather than flying by the seat of my pants into whatever presented itself. As I've started to learn these basic but profound skills I've encountered a lot of grief. I've had to let go of fantasies in exchange for reality. Oh, the growing pains. I've had to say no to things that I really W A N T, in order to say yes to what I really N E E D. Ultimately, there is huge freedom in this work. As I do the meat and potatoes actions of getting clarity about finances or consistent self-care, I start to create a life that can support my desires and passions. In looking at what is needed, I move towards what is wanted. Growing up isn't easy, no matter when you do it, but it's worth it. If there is some aspect of your life that your are sticking your head in the sand about, come on out. It might be uncomfortable to wake up but it's the beginning of a life of your dreams. And start imagining what a life of your dreams would look like. Set those intentions, friends! I see you and I love you.
Polaroid by @israel_perez_hortal. Censored.
Is this pic “Instaworthy”? HAHA... By many standards, it probably isn’t. It’s just another selfie & we’ve all seen millions of those by now. But here’s why it doesn’t matter...
Perfectionism is a never-ending battle. Even the most successful people can argue they could do better in life. If achievement equaled worth and happiness, there would be no rich or famous people suffering from anxiety or depression. This is obviously not the case. Therefore, being perfect does not exist. Perfectionism is measuring yourself with standards THAT DO NOT EXIST. Perfectionism sometimes presents in the form of setting several high goals and having an obsessive desire to fill those goals. Then, if you do not complete them, it rocks your world, in a bad way. .
💎Something that I personally find to be powerful in helping balance this IP, is remembering the big scheme of things. If it is God’s will, it will be done (Matthew 6:10). If it doesn’t happen, then it was not His will and He has a different plan. I cannot yet understand this plan, but I trust it will be just as miraculous, none the same, because I know His plan is an amazing one! “For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. .
So just do you and kill it...whatever it is! Forget standards!
Ten days ago I had professional photos taken ( thank you to the fabulous Lynne Resnick @lynnereznickphoto ) for the first time. This was a big step in my journey and is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. For me, getting in front of a camera, with the intention of sharing these photos with an unlimited number of people, is about allowing myself to be seen.
Allowing myself to be seen - I mean truly seen - has required me to begin tolerating a great deal of vulnerability. Being vulnerable has always been tough for me, and at times it was just impossible, too risky. What I’m learning through healing is that in order to feel seen for who we really are, we have to share who we really are. When we share ourselves (our true selves, our hearts) with others, we find those most like us, we feel connected, and we build community.
Part of my purpose here is to build that connection and community for myself, through sharing my story, and little moments from my life. The other part of my purpose is to let you know that you are seen too. If you are like me, you’ve had plenty of moments when you’ve felt completely alone, without a sense of belonging or real connection. You may feel at times like there is something wrong with you, or that to be worthy of love, you have to be perfect. Maybe you don’t feel worthy of love at all. Have you ever felt like there’s something you need, but you don’t know what that is? Have you thought that there MUST be more to life than the ever-present internal pain you feel?
I have felt all of these things, and I still feel them regularly. As an adoptee, it is par for the course. But I can tell you, it gets easier. By sharing my story, my successes, and inevitable failures, I hope that I can show you a way, and a little wisdom, but most importantly, I hope you will see that there is somebody else who gets it, and who is getting through it. And I hope that you will take comfort in knowing that there IS more to life.
IGTV📺 is up y'all!!✨
My dreams of being a public speaker or master podcaster may not be quite accomplished yet, but throwing some feels and truths into the universe tonight thanks to my personal development🤜🏼🤛🏼
It's all about perfectionism, vulnerability and focusing on FULFILLMENT over achievement👊🏼
Let's just say @brenebrown is doing wonders for my soul rn. 10/10 recommend💕
I was amused when I first heard this from my friend Kyle Bennett. Earnest, straight forward, well said!
Also, so true! When you feel the need to be perfect, you make a mess out of perfectly good talent. You open the door wide open for self-doubt, you freeze, you hmmm & haaaa and you give up on perfectly good ideas b/c if you're going to try it, it must be perfect (whatever that means). All the while, all your talent or idea really wants is to be expressed. At least see the light of day ya know. If you're not going to release this creative energy, nobody else will. It's YOUR idea and YOUR talent. ✨Let us see your light! ✨ If you get stuck along the way just remember, don't be weird 👯♀️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⬅️Swipe left (volume up!) for a few of our favorite quotes from this week’s podcast with @topsievandenbosch! Topsie joins Liz to chat about anxiety, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome and our listeners have been loving it! The link is in our bio, so make sure you check it out! And while you’re at it, tag a friend who you think would enjoy it!
1. Introducing our guest, Topsie Vandenbosch [2:23]
2. Topsie’s story [4:28]
3. The difference between anxiety and worry [21:33]
4. High-functioning anxiety [31:05]
5. Turning off the anxiety [36:45]
6. Therapist versus coach [42:32]
7. Top three things addressed as a mindset coach [48:39]
The Balanced Bites Podcast is proudly sponsored by:
Perfectionism has increased substantially among young people over the past 30 years, with no regard to gender or culture.
The desire to live up to others expectations is impossible and doomed to fail.
Researchers found that young people with perfectionist traits are more likely to suffer clinical anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorders and eating disorders.
Every day we tend to be critical of our imperfections, spots, scars, squishy parts from eating comfort food that's so good (I know that was uber specific). This thanksgiving, learn to love something about yourself that you feel you've been too hard on yourself for.
Whether you're being extra hard on yourself or you're striving for perfection, remember the greatest gift you can give someone this holiday season is your presence, in all of your awkward-potato glory.
This has been a hard lesson for me. There were times in my life that I used to miss out on events because I didn't get a gift for someone because I couldn't afford it; or I felt like I wasn't in a place that I could feel proud of myself to be around my loved ones. ...When you lose several friends and loved ones to tragedy, the one thing you wish for is more time.
I know the biggest annoying questions from families seem to pick at our biggest insecurities, but seriously, family members aren't around forever. You'll miss them (or maybe you won't); but my point is, love yourself, appreciate yourself, and appreciate your loved ones, now, in the present. - Oh, and don't be afraid to have a small tiny helping of your Tia/Tio/Abuela's homemade food wrapped in love.
Wrapping you all in love and #gratitude
Big #awkwardpotato hugs!
I remember the first day I started my social media accounts, I stared at my screen, then I wrote a few lines, then I deleted them, took a break, procrastinated and came back to start all over again before I introduced myself to you.
Gosh, all those questions and uncertainty of am I good enough, what would my family and friends think? how could I?
I remember as if it was yesterday, the overwhelming feeling of fear that took over my entire body as I started sharing pieces of my story, including why I am on this fitness path which to many seems silly and what type of person I was before.....
You probably wondering what I was afraid of??
Judgement...yup, from those that know me well and those that didn’t know me.
And you know what?!
People DID judge me and people STILL judge me…but…
…a little over two years I've learned some powerful lessons, some were painful I admit and some have enlightened me 💡But, in the end, this entire journey is what has shaped me, what has pushed me to become a better version of myself today….
💫 I’ve learned being vulnerable is NOT a weakness. Opening up is a sign of courage, strength and its precisely when you grow by leaps and bounds.
💫 I've learned “perfection" is never the end result. There is always something to tweak, change, make better. It’s about getting it out the door and done, and then adjusting from there.
💫 I”ve learned happiness is a choice, an attitude, a decision, our everyday moments and our journeys. But, when that choice is combined with grit, it makes you resilient to face the unhappiest of outside circumstances and overcome them! 💃🏽
💫 I’ve learned my happiness is worth more than peoples opinions 😎
Mamas be who you are, say what you feel. Don’t conform to societal rules. Forget perfection, strive for progress, and love yourself along the way! ❣️
Anxiety. It hits us every day in some way—sometimes more intense than others. It’s when we recognize and embrace the gifts of our imperfections that we can overcome the difficult thoughts that tend to lock us down. ⠀
I’ve written a piece for the @deseretnews for their new series on Teen Anxiety—I hope you read it and can find something helpful. 😊 (Link in bio!) #littlemissfearless#giftsofimperfection#livingwithanxiety#sponsored