We are trying our hand to a new form of art. My son has always dealt with this idea that everything most always be done perfectly or it’s not worth doing. When he around 2years old he was fascinated with trying to write his letters however he would erase ever single letter at least 10 times before finishing it because it wasn’t perfect. He never got past the letter “D” in the entire first 6months. I’ve tried really hard the last couple years to help him take steps to over come this because although I totally believe it’s important to put your best foot forward and to do things with excellence it’s not always going to be perfect. Each big victory in our lives are not built on one big success but on a mountain of failures & small victories. However we show up day after day and put one foot in front of the other. Failure is just part of the journey but with each failure we pick ourselves up, dust off the grim, & start again. I don’t know about your home schooling journey but my isn’t perfect it’s full of twists and turns. It has been rewarding getting to see my children grow and learn.
Good news; it’s not serious. Dance through life🦋⚡️ - Starting to paint & create again without a plan or need to make it perfect after taking creating too seriously for so long🙏🏼 Anyone can relate with that problem?
What are you trying to control?
A perfectionist’s expectations will determine their worth. If you say to yourself: if I get this job then I’m a success or if I don’t get this job then I’m a failure. See how problematic this is?
Your expectations are a form of control. You’ve predetermined what it means and what you’re worth will be based on your perception of how things are. Life isn’t black and white.
You have choices. You don’t have control over the outcome.
You can write a book but that doesn’t mean it’ll get published. Even if it does, there’s no guarantee that enough people will read it.
You have choices.
You can say: if I get this job that will be great but if I don’t then there are other jobs to apply for. In any situation it’s a chance to challenge yourself and ask yourself, what’s next? What new skills can I learn? What kind of networking can I do? Any classes I can take?
Life is more flexible than what people realize. We get so stuck in uniformity, outdated ideologies, and standards of a society which doesn’t recognize the individual self. Being a human isn’t a one size fits all.
Question the areas where you may be trying to control and are only causing you stress and unhappiness. Take a look at situations from every angle: physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral. Ask yourself what choices you have instead. I'm sure you have have plenty!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to break this to you but stress is NOT the new norm. That’s ego and societal myth playing out in our brains and body that we have fed into to. We all actually require a certain amount of stress to step into new things and experience anticipation, that’s a good stress. Living on stress and coffee and workaholism will literally kill you. It almost did me in. Til I chose to travel the body, mind and soul of myself did I teach my true essence , purpose and richness of my personal power. If you lost this, it’s there or you would not be reading this. Do yourself a favor and find your true happiness. It may took courage but you are worth it!
Tag a friend today who might feel lost.
Only when I stop collecting evidence do the stones begin to speak. - Mark Nepo
3 weeks ago I was sitting in my chair's office explaining that I had a Chapter 2 outline but No Draft. My program expects about 40 double-spaced pages for Ch.2 and my 33 pages of single-spaced outline was way too long. I had underestimated the time I needed to complete the draft but more importantly I had underestimated the role that Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome were playing in my process. I didn't think I had enough sources or the right sources, and I was sure I was missing something important.
My chair said 2 magic words: JUST STOP.
Stop expecting it to be perfect or thinking I hadn't done enough. He reminded me that I've been working on this topic for 2 years, that I'm a hard worker, that this is a draft and it's not supposed to be perfect (no dissertation is), that my committee can help me get anywhere I need to go next, and also that my committee doesn't need to be saddled with a 70 page chapter draft to try and read in addition to nearly 50 pages of other chapters.
So I STOPPED. I stopped searching for sources and outlining and perfecting and I just started writing. I woke up early and stayed up late (but still made sure to get some sleep - that's important) until I had a 35 page draft of Chapter 2!!!!! And after reading my Ch. 2 draft, my chair gave me the green light to compile Chapters 1-3 complete with summaries, references (bibliography), and appendices. I submitted my 90 page Dissertation Proposal to my chair, it was forwarded to my committee, and on Tuesday, October 2, I will be defending my Dissertation Proposal!!! The Lesson in this very long story?
When my chair said STOP I couldn't just turn off the perfectionism and the doubt, but I did allow the expert, the scholar, the writer, and the artist in me to speak louder. I had collected enough evidence and my stones spoke to me. I hope you can let yours speak to you 💖
Far too many people are quitting over flimsy-ass adversity. I offer them this: NO ONE OWES YOU SH*T. I’ve had to face this inconvenient truth many times in my own life. I’ve had to wipe my own grown-man tears (Yes, I cry when necessary) during moments of frustration and despair, and then regroup and get back to work. And, yeah, I know you followed the rules someone else told you to follow, and things didn’t pan out. So what?! That’s on you. No one forced you to do it. So own it. And yeah, I know you applied for your dream job and you received a canned rejection latter. Again, so what?! In fact, here. Put this t-shirt on, join the club, and stick around for the group photo
Because we all can’t work at Google or some shiny tech start-up with on-site doggy day care, free gluten-free bagels, bean bag chairs, cold-pressed coffee, green juice, or whatever. But we all can, metaphorically speaking, go beyond life’s locked doors. We all can show up every single day no matter what and add value to whatever team we’re on. We all can “put in our time” however that looks and however long it takes in our respective lives to manifest our dreams. We all can go beyond our comfort zones. We all can learn new things, apply those learned new things, and build networks with what we’ve learned. We all can choose to wake up from our delusions and choose to live in a reality controlled largely by our responses to the things that happen. And, most importantly, we all can be grateful for what we have and do the best with what we have
#tbt almost 4 years ago...I was so fucking depressed and anxious in this photo. I felt like my entire life was caving in on me. So what did I do, knowing I had to be in my close friend’s wedding and would have to see a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in years? I spent the entire day obsessed with perfecting my makeup and hair. Painting a pretty picture. Constructing a mask. My head told me I had to look gorgeous to distract from how much weight I had gained. But actually, my mind was really mixed up. The next day, I felt guilty. I felt so vain for being visibly preoccupied with my looks on my friend’s joyous day. But it was all I had to cope. Somehow, I had to hold it all together, and my own reflection helped me keep my mind focused. I wish I could have “just been happy,” but that’s not possible with depression. So we pretend and we distract so nobody has to be concerned for us or feel our pain - or judge us. And often, so we can convince ourselves it’s all fine too. When I was obsessed with being thin, like for most of my life, a big bit part of it was my pretending. Looking perfect was a giant wall I put up around me so nobody could see inside. Don’t mistake the coping mechanism for the problem.
If we don’t look inside and if we don’t let anybody else inside, we can’t get better. If you can’t open up to your friends and family, find somebody who can support you without judgment - like a professional or a hotline - and tell them how you’re really feeling. I know how hard it is to admit there is something wrong, but it’s the bravest thing you can do. It’s not your fault if you’re depressed or have another mental health issue. It’s NOT. You deserve to feel good. 💛
How are you *really* feeling?? If you have trouble accessing your feelings, I highly recommend taking an online mental health screening like the ones at: screening.mentalhealthamerica.net
Also, depression isn’t just sadness and anxiety isn’t just worry. If you’re feeling very overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, irritable, miserable, numb, or like everyone is judging you and thinking badly about you, you *might* have something more going on. 💛
Therapy, medication, and coaching have helped a lot 💛💕
A few months ago I was sitting in my GP’s office (on my twentieth birthday, not really ideal but what can you do) and she asked me if I was a perfectionist. I immediately said no, I’d always equated perfectionism to people who obsessed over academic achievement and that was never me. After my immediate reaction she guided me to reconsidered. •
I came to the realisation that when I am in situations in which I feel uncomfortable I do have perfectionist tendencies. I want to control the situation, I want to know what is going to be asked of me and when with NO surprises. This in itself is a form of perfectionism. •
I am slowly working on becoming more relaxed in situations that make me uncomfortable. It is not an easy or quick process as I have been building up these thinking patterns for a long period of time. A lot of my anxiety issues are rooted in control issues so it is essential that I work on this. One step at a time, day by day ✌🏻🙏