Self Portrait #1// This summer has been one of the most challenging times of my entire life. To make a long story short I have felt that I have had no control over my life and have dealt with extremely traumatic issues due to an internship (no regrets on interning where I interned). So last night I took steps into my own hands and decided to take back control of my life. It might be not be the biggest thing but shaving my head has had extreme affects on me and it is like a sense of rebirth. So here is to the rest of 2018 in the hopes that my creative juices flow.
I posted this photo on my personal account earlier today with honest words about this beautiful girl. She’s not just glowing on the outside, but she’s glowing even more beautifully on the inside. I’m lucky to call her my best friend! She is dedicated, God-fearing, brave, kind, and loves people so well. She’s one of those people that unashamedly and boldly radiates the love & goodness of Jesus. I adore her.
We are are two weeks away from our due date. As this time comes to an end, I ponder a lot about parenting. I think about all the darkness in the world, the inner demons I face, and I wonder if I can balance it all as a father. I hope that I can show my daughter the light of the world. I think about my childhood and how lost I always felt. I don’t want her to ever feel that way, but in a sense I know it’s inevitable. I assume we just do the best we can and everything else falls into place. Who I was 10 years ago is not who I am today. Who I am today will not be who I will be in 10 years. I pray that I’ll be the best father and husband I can be.
NY always has a way of reminding me where home really is. || “Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” ― Timothy Leary
I’ve hiked a lot places in Virginia but this one by far is my favorite. I have too many stories with too many good friends here. I look forward to the day I return again. Until next time, Saint Mary’s Falls.
I can’t delve deeper in to revelation of hiraeth without talking about the second conversation I had with a friend yesterday.
The conversation started like any other, me sharing a meme that I thought was relevant to her life. She responded with a laugh and a “so true!”
I asked her about how she was doing, how life was going. She said she was doing well, but the guy she had been dating suddenly stopped talking to her.
We talked at length on the topics of dating, love and being in a relationship. I honestly don’t have much experience and the experiences I have had, I’m not sure were worth the time and pain.
Except one. Which was my fault.
That conversation lead me to rethink what exactly the meaning of hiraeth is, and moreover, what it means to be “home.”
(I’m going to save the conclusion of for Part III)