Giving everyone a taste of a Book I will be self-publishing called, “Thoughts At Night.” A book meant for a quick read to get your mind of things by letting your mind drift into a world of your own. Grab a coffee or tea and Click the link in my bio to my @YouTube to check out Thoughts At Night-Book 1 “Video Upload #1,” and, also available to read on @Wattpad APP under username, @DeLaSoulArt.
Video Length: 3:04.7 “3-Minutes”
Poetry Style: Free Form Poetry
I put all of my problems in a box, wrap a lovely blue bow around them, and help people. I invest a lot of time helping people get through their problems. When I need help, they vanish, so my supplies are gone. You give your all to some people and they pull their pants down and blow a huge shit all over you. Can you relate?
Often times, I feel so dramatically pulled by extremes, that it drains me of everything that I have & feel.
Often, all I would like to do is feel into me, listen to me, & cater to me, & then I feel as if I have lost Cindy & cannot find her.
How do you hear somebody who doesn’t exist?
I’ve watched myself over the years burn myself away, by giving layers of myself to every which way, every direction that they were pulled in.
And sometimes I spend days pulling & desperately & anxiously retrieving parts of myself back from the ethers.
Some days? Like today? I am so disastrously tired of fighting, that I have no kick left.
I Day dream about leaving the scattered pieces of me laid out on the floor, & slithering feet first until I am lying down, apart of them.
Sometimes I feel like the ache just doesn’t stop. You’re born into trauma & then it carries you through like a wave of different situations in your life.
And I am often sorry to my family for my hastiness, for not fighting my wounds & my illness hard enough.
For allowing corruption, even when I screamed at their walls too to let me in.
I have days I just want to lay on the kitchen floor & stay there.
I’m safe there.
From the outside world.
I’m so raw & wounded that everything pricks & hurts right now.
I’m fearful of everything & everything knows me.
There is no safe space right now & it has never been more daunting.
I feel like I’m drowning & screaming for help.
But it’ll never come.
For it never does.